This country is a mess. Indian people always lack reason and sagacity. Thats why they cant plan for themselves, and need me to plan for them.

Look at all this fuss over the expenses of my toilet and my travels! I mean, isnt it obvious that these are bare minimum necessities for Planners like me? Without a toilet with a smart-card to keep riff-raff out, how can I get the required privacy to plan? And if I dont make regular trips to the US, where will I get plans from? My bosses at the IMF and World Bank Headquarters at Washington are there, after all.

Thats where I brush up my economic theories. For instance, it was George Bush who taught me that inflation is all because Indians are eating better and getting more affluent! Every time I see the inflation index soar, I lower the poverty line because higher inflation means people are eating good stuff, and wont want the grains you get at the ration shop. Inflation is reassuringly high now. All those chaps spending more than Rs 22 daily must be gorging on gourmet food, thats whats pushing up the cost of food grains and vegetables so high!

When was the last time I made a trip in India? Oh, we leave all that slumming to Rahul; he spends a night every now and then in some village, just to keep the TV cameras happy. We still have this petty inconvenience called a democracy, you know, where people can actually vote you out! So poor Rahul has to do some political theatre to keep people from going Greek on us. Were working on introducing the US model, though, where you need a multi-millionaire smart card in order to contest elections.

You need to be a visionary to be a good Planner. Now that Marie Antoinette she was some Planner! All that riff-raff demanding bread and she came up with the brilliant solution that they could eat cake instead!

Now, we dont have luxurious palaces anymore where we can muse in comfort like good old Marie. I manage to come up with my own bright ideas, every morning in a mere toilet, providing some modest comforts and privacy: and it cost the country just Rs. 35 lakhs. Quite austere really, if you compare it with Maries palace.